A Happy Thanksgiving

Macy's Parade, 1967

Ok - I am the first to admit it. It is hard for me to get away from dogs. So for this Thanksgiving post it seemed so appropriate to share a photo found on the web of the Macy's parade, 1967. The six-pack of hounds here support my use of this vintage image. And who doesn't love Snoopy!

It is early yet, and I am at my computer as always. Sun is peeking through the overcast sky. It is a dice roll, the weather today. It will be sunny in my heart, no matter what.

The dogs have become simply impossible in the morning. I have no clue what has caused them to be so active at 7am. They are like children who have eaten too much sugar. Miss April in Paris jumps off the bed, all sixty pounds of her, racing up and down the hallway, barking, non-stop. Her call to action rallies the other five, who hit the floor, running to the kitchen, waiting for kibble. I drag myself out and putter down the hallway, let them out via the kitchen door, into the yard. I make a cup of instant coffee (yes, sometimes I am the laziest gal in town) and get their bowls ready. As soon as they eat, they crash. They are back to sleep and I am wide-eyed awake. It is a good time to write.

What am I thankful for this year? Everything. I started out the year thinking I needed a huge change in my surroundings. The change I needed was inside me. A reflective year, as I've written about before today on this blog. Health issues, some cash-flow issues, and the desire to be in a different house, in a different state, so far from all that is familiar here. Part of that draw to move, was to be closer to my family. The other part, I had no clue what to do now, six years a widow, in my quiet world. I pushed so hard to find a new life, I didn't know how to relax.

I'd forgotten how lucky I was with my friends here and my family's love only a phone call away. In six years on my own I had found myself. How did I not remember that? Maybe I needed a bit of a shake-up, and this hip of mine, which has slowed me down, allowed me to just be.

Yes, my hip grinding as I walk (and the doctor telling me there is a hip replacement in my future - which I am ignoring for now) has kept me from participating in things that require me to be on my feet for hours at a time. When I hurt, I lay down and relax. Relaxing has given me the time to think. And thinking has made me grateful for all the goodness around me It has cleared my mind to forge a new path, one right where I am for the time being. That does not mean I might not shake-it up later, but for now, I am where I need to be.

I may be slow with my walking, but it hasn't slowed me down for other things I love - like writing, sleeping with dogs, dinner with friends, too much time on the computer, which is like an extension of my body. I have a new project that will launch on Tuesday.

A Cup Of Christmas, an e-book with thirty other writers, is a dream come true. In six weeks it pulled together. Once again, my heart was thankful for the trust these authors have I can actually do this and the spirit in which they participated - they were paid nothing for their time and all proceeds go to First Book, a children's literacy charity. Writers giving back.  I've met these folks - some in person, some on Facebook, all linked together in the world of books, in the last six years as I started to write and find myself. I almost missed that I have a writing community of friends that are part of my new world, as I worried I was more alone this year than ever. Silly me.

And something new in the last month, I am going to church. There is a Methodist church on the corner that I've wanted to visit for thirty years. I finally told myself it was time. The sermons are short ( as is my attention span) and relevant to today's world. The pastor is charming and young, breathing life into the church this last year, and into me this last month.  I found a writing group that meets there. On my first Sunday visit, the bulletin announced  they meet there once a week. All of this two minutes from my house. Perfect for the gal who can't get anywhere on time. I can scoot out of my house at the very last minute and find my seat before the service begins.

I look back on this year and wonder what is it that made me so restless. I have wonderful friends, some that go back with me thirty plus years, some new that seem like old souls that connected years ago. I've dwelled on the fact I live by myself, no children, no family in town, dissecting that issue in my writing.  I have my six dogs that are my family here. They ground me on days I feel I may explode into the universe with stress and loneliness.  On days when the world is right, I sit on my couch and look at the six-pack surrounding me, and know I have created this life, different from what I had when married, but one that matches my needs. How did I almost forget that?

Family, friends, community, a passion to connect to others, my writing, a house that holds all my memories of a life well-lived, and a life that continues to grow. That is what I am thankful for today.

Yes, the dogs are glaring at me. I forgot to include them in the statement above. I am so happy to have my six-pack.  They are a group of hooligans, but they bring life to a house that could be too quiet. They remind me a broken spirit can be healed with love. They teach me that the simple things are what count. They teach me to enjoy the moment. They make me laugh out loud and be silly. They remind me, that eating lots of food is a good thing! And I will chow down with friends later today!

Wishing all a wonderful Thanksgiving! May you be as happy as a pup with its head out the car window, inhaling all that life has to offer.



 

October Musings On Life, Change, And Shop Vacs

Listen! the wind is rising,
and the air is wild with leaves.
We have had our summer evenings,
now for October eves.
~Humbert Wolfe, P.L.M.: Peoples, Landfalls, Mountains, 1936

 

 Last Saturday was my first October eve of the new season where I sat outside wrapped in a fleece jacket watching the flames of a small bonfire spark into the night sky. The moment was shared with friends, some old, some new, in celebration of a dear friend’s housewarming. The warmth I felt went deeper than the heat from the fire and the pleasure of being in the company of others. For a gal who lives alone with six dogs, being surrounded by humans is a treat all to itself, but tonight the crisp air filled me with so much more.

 

Writing this today I searched for the right word . . . and found it. Anticipation. Fall brings with it the promise of what lies ahead for the remainder of the year. It renews my spirit. It brings thoughts of family to me, where I am by myself most of the time, with the exception of a pack of hounds. I am lucky to have wonderful friends – but my house lacks the closeness of family. Who knew at age sixty-six I would miss the fact there are no children, no grandchildren, although I surely knew I would miss my husband when he died six years ago. The children thing took me by complete surprise.

 

Those who know me know I am really not a ‘kid’ person. I’ve never been around babies. I love children’s books, antique toys, but I’ve never been in the company of little people for more than a quick visit. My mother had to correct me many years ago when I was trying to get the attention of a small child.

 

 “You are calling to that little girl like she is a puppy.” My mother shook her head and laughed at me.

 

The good news, it worked. The little girl came over to me. I tried not to pat her on the head.

 

 It is not that I don’t like children. Please don’t think of me as Scrooge! It is just that my life-style took me in other directions, and my old friends were of no darn help either.

 

They didn’t have babies. My best friends had older children, teens and above. I have a wonderful nephew, but I missed his toddler years. Now that he and his wife have two wonderful babies, I would practice on them, but they are hours away.

 

 My ‘new’ friends as I like to call the people who are in my life in recent years, all have grown children and grandkids. Married, widowed, single, most have the comfort of family nearby to hold close. They talk about their grandchildren and I talk about my dogs. Would I change how I lived my life to have children now? I know the answer is no. I loved my life then and I love it now. I just have more questions than answers, and I am searching for what’s next.

 

This year has been an odd one for me. I talk about it, write about it, and try to analyze what is different than the previous years. It is the topic of conversation over dinner and margaritas. My friends are patient, thank goodness for that. I bore myself with my questions at times.

 

What happened this year that has brought on the winter of discontent? I had surgery in February. Is that the root of my mood swings? My joints hate me and I am not moving with the freedom I did at the first of this year. I’ve never given in to feeling badly. Why now?

 

Spring and summer found me pulling away from things I loved to do. “It is time to figure out what stays and what goes in my life.” That was my mantra this year. Devote more time to writing. Close out my antique business. And then the most challenging question of all. Should I sell my house and move closer to my family? I’ve lived in the metro Atlanta area since the late seventies. How shocking would it be to leave? How exciting would it be to reinvent myself in a small town close to the St. Johns River where I could see my mother, where my sister and her husband could visit, where my nephew and his family could stop by on their way to Jacksonville.

 

 

I thought the universe had sent a sign it was time to move. There was water on my basement floor last month, after a heavy rain, after a year of my new French drain keeping the water out. But there it was, a small puddle on grey cement, right under my antique wicker sofa. The universe said, clearly and damply, move. It was even more clear to me when the floor was dry after the next rain, and the next. 

 

 

"The universe peed on my basement floor, " I said in language my dogs could understand. "It's time for us to move." I kept that knowledge of the peeing universe to myself and only now am sharing it with you.

 

 

I put my house up for sale the next week. Confident it would be whisked away by an investor. And within two days, an offer I couldn't refuse came in from an investor, who then went on to another house with another offer. My clear vision of moving to a pink Victorian cottage in Florida shifted to my making peace with my house in Decatur. Now I wonder what the universe really wanted to say to me and did I misread my sign?

 

 Friends tell me to relax. Time will sort it out. For a person who doesn’t give time a chance to do anything, I am the one in charge, this is a shock to my system. Perhaps that is the biggest lesson of all for me. I can’t control the real estate market and if moving is truly in my future, I'd better hunker down and deal with it.

 

I woke up this morning, the window in my bedroom open, allowing cool air to surround me, the dogs cuddled up next to me, sharing their warmth, as I had my quilt pulled up close around my neck, partially to keep warm, and partially to keep a dog’s tongue out of my face, and felt energized.

 

It’s October. It’s fall. Anything is possible. Maybe I needed some down time to sort things out. I always jump into things without much thought, allowing the universe to guide me. The universe has been hiding from me too, or maybe the message was relax, it’s not time yet, and I missed that clue, because I am not a patient person. Maybe water on a basement floor is just that, a small leak with no real life changing message. Although I seriously doubt that.  When I find out what it was, you'll be the second to know.

 

 Everything is the same. Everything is different. Sometimes I am a free spirit, sometimes I am plagued with doubts. This year has given me more questions than answers. I am lucky I can take time to pull back and think. It is good if it doesn’t last too long. It is a luxury of living alone, I can dwell on my thoughts without interruption, it is also a curse, not having to answer to anyone.

 

 

The universe that speaks to me, for those who question my sanity, can be described also as faith, the man above, a gut feeling. I roll it into two words, the universe, but faith is my driving force.

 

Fall reminds me that the seasons change and that no matter what I am worrying about, life is full of color and beauty. I am blessed in so many ways.  I never forget that. But sometimes you have to stop and take a step back, in order to move forward. This year has been my step back. I can't wait to spring forward.

 

Maybe the universe will speak to me again on my basement floor. Just in case this conversation is not over,  I went to Home Depot and bought a small 2.5 gallon wet dry vac.  Be prepared for emergencies. At least that is one lesson I've learned from the incident of the water on my basement floor!